Temporary Toleration

In the parable of the wheat and the weeds [tares], Jesus explains one reason why God allows the presence of wicked people in the world (13:24-30, 36-43). As in a field of wheat, both the desired crop and the unwanted weeds grow up together (13:26). The latter are the “sons of the wicked one” - that is, the “children” of the devil. If you think this description is too strong, remember that it comes from the lips of Jesus Himself, repeated for us in John 8:44. Paul explains that all people are like that before God saves them, because they – we – are “sons of disobedience” and thus destined for the wrath of God (Ephesians 2:2, 3). Everyone, without exception, is in bondage to the seduction of this world, the deceptions of Satan, and the desires of our own sinful nature (Ephesians 2:1-3). But there is another group, the “sons of the kingdom” (Matthew 13:38), also called “the righteous” (13:43). They are those who, in the parable of the sower (13:18-23) hear God’s word, believe it, and produce a crop of good deeds. God allows both the wicked and the righteous to exist side by side in the “field” that is the present age. Why? Partly, it seems, because to destroy the weeds would require killing the wheat also, they are so inseparably associated at present. At the end of the age, however, when Christ returns to judge the world and inaugurate His eternal kingdom, He will utterly eliminate all who “practice lawlessness,” and consign them to unending torment, while the ones who repented, believed, and turned to Him, will “shine forth” like the in all its brilliance. What can we learn from this? At the very least, let’s be less agitated about the presence of evil men in this world than the presence of evil in our own hearts! Don’t worry; a final reckoning and revealing is coming; may we be among the “righteous” then!

The Purpose of the Parables

Almost everyone likes the parables of Jesus. These short stories highlight some feature of common life in His day and draw out spiritual truths valid for all time. The problem is: Why are the parables sometimes hard to understand? What, in fact, is their overall purpose in the teaching of ministry of Jesus? The answer Jesus gave to His disciples surprises us: He told parables in order to enlighten some and to leave others in the dark! “For whoever has, to him more will be given, and he will have abundance; but whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken away from him” (13:12). As He had declared before in a prayer of praise to His Father, God hides His truth from the “wise and prudent” and unveils it to little babies (11:25). That is, those who rely on their own reason and intuition to know God remain in the dark, while the ones who humbly confess their ignorance and ask for mercy receive light. Here, He quotes the words of God when Isaiah was commissioned to proclaim His coming judgment and salvation to a nation that would not hear (13:14-15; Isaiah 6:9-10). However we interpret this strange passage, it is clear that those who “see” and “hear” with understanding and faith are blessed, for many have sought such revelation in vain (13:16-17). Though the Old Testament revelation was clear in some ways, those who have the unveiling of God’s mysteries in Christ are recipients of a priceless gift. Does it not therefore befit us not only to hear and heed the words of Christ, but to thank and praise God for granting us the inestimable privilege of knowing God through faith in the Gospel of His Son?

Purpose, Priority, Power

From this brief story, included in three Gospels, we learn vital truths: - The purpose of God. God will establish His kingdom on earth (Matthew 6:10; 16:18). Nothing will thwart His intention. - The priority of proclamation. The kingdom comes in this age first by preaching. Jesus proclaimed, “Repent, for the kingdom of heave [God] is at hand” (4:17), and promised, “This gospel of the kingdom will be preached in all the world as a witness to all the nations, and then the end will come” (24:14). - The presence of opposition. The gospel message will be opposed by Satan, trouble and persecution, the cares of this world, and the deceitfulness of riches (13:19-22). - The proportion of productivity. Most hearers will either misunderstand the message, or fail to produce the crops of faith-filled living (13:19-22). There are few who enter the “gate which leads to life” (7:14). “Many are called [by the public preaching of the Gospel] but few are chosen (22:14). - The power of the Word of God. The “seed” of God’s Good News will transform the lives of those who heed it, making them powerful and productive “doers” of the truth and witnesses of Christ (13:8, 23, 31-33; 5:16; 28:18-20; Acts 1:8). - The preciousness of the Gospel message. Fruitfulness and futility; satisfaction and frustration; life and death – all depend upon the sharing, believing, and obeying the Word of Christ. Friends, shall we not expend every effort, pay any price, overcome every obstacle, and discard every distraction, in order to spread abroad the word of truth, the Gospel of salvation, to the glory of our King Jesus?

Listen Up!

The little word, “Behold!” tells us to stop what we are doing and pay attention. At the end of this parable, Jesus emphasized the importance of what He had just said: “He who has ears to hear, let him hear!” But why? In Jesus’ time, a man going forth with seed to sow would have been a common sight. Why should we take note of such an ordinary event? Why should we hear and ponder the story Jesus has told? There are several reasons: - This story is not mainly a tale about a farmer. Jesus later explains that the “seed” is the word of God, the message of the kingdom, the Gospel (13:19). He is talking about the truth which saves (Ephesians 1:13). - In context, the sower is Jesus, the Preacher par excellence. Ever since the beginning of His ministry He has been addressing to large crowds (4:25; 5:1;12:23; 12:23) in open fields, synagogues, and private homes. It’s a story about our Lord. - By implication, the sower also represents all the followers of Jesus who will “go and make disciples of all nations” (24:19), preaching this gospel of the kingdom “in all the world” (24:14). - Like Jesus Himself, all those who spread the Good News will meet with varying types of response, from incomprehension (13:19) to superficial reception (13:20-22) to real conversion (13:23). In other words, this little story is talking about everyone who heralds or hears the word of God. That’s us! - The way we listen to this parable will determine the value – what Jesus calls “fruit” – of our entire life (13:19-23). The stakes are enormous. - Furthermore, understanding this short parable of the sower and the four soils provides the key to “all the parables” Jesus told (Mark 4:13). So let us ponder the parable of the sower and the soils (Matthew 13:1-9, 18-23) with fresh focus.

From Bad to Worse

This puzzling passage finds its proper interpretation in the light of what precedes and follows. Jesus delivered people from possession by demons by the power of the Spirit of God, thus demonstrating that the kingdom of God had arrived on the scene. The Pharisees, however, attributed His exorcisms to Satan, thus calling good evil and showing their incurable hard-heartedness (12:22-32). They were bad trees; how could they bear good fruit? (12:33-37). These Jewish leaders then compounded their error by demanding that Jesus produce some miraculous proof of His commission from God, which Jesus refuses to provide until He rises from the dead. Indeed, He had already given enough evidence that He was Son of God and Savior of Israel (12:38-42). Jesus then teaches that deliverance from demons does not insure salvation. Unless devotion to Christ replaces the dominion of one evil spirit, temporary relief and reform will be swallowed up by deeper demonization and greater wickedness. In other words, we cannot remain neutral to Christ (12:30), much less disbelieve Him (12:38-42). But even temporary faith, which brings some sort of freedom from bondage, will not protect us from the power of the devil. The parable of the sower, which follows shortly afterwards, describes people who receive God’s word with joy, but fall away when trouble comes, or the distractions of this world “choke the word” (13:3-9, 18-23). Only when our nature is changed by whole-hearted faith in Christ and regeneration by His Spirit, so that we become God’s children and do His will, can we be safe in God’s kingdom (12:33-37; 46-50). What about you? Are you relying on “self-help” programs to set you free from powerful addictions? Depending upon church attendance to guarantee salvation? Hoping that deliverance from an evil spirit will produce a fundamental change in your character? Withholding full commitment to Christ until he “proves” Himself to you? If so, every “improvement” in your life will be erased by slavery to more pernicious forces, and you will end up in lasting misery. Now is the time to trust in Christ and follow Him fully as the only one who can “save His people from their sins” (1:21).

The Case for Christ

Despite all the miracles of healing and exorcism, His matchless teaching, and His sinless life, the Pharisees still demanded from Jesus some proof of His authority! He rebuked them in two ways: By calling them “an evil and adulterous generation” and by denying to them any “sign” other than His resurrection. (As He explained immediately, “the sign of Jonah” refers to his “resurrection” from the belly of the great fish, which is a type of the resurrection of Jesus from the grave.) They were “evil” because they hated God’s only Son and the salvation He brought. He called them “adulterous” because their hearts had wandered from God. Instead, they worshiped their own righteousness, which was a sham. They could not believe in Christ, because they would not. They had their own ideas of what the Messiah would be like, and Jesus did not fit their mental image. They could not discern God’s love in His actions, or truth in His teachings. What about us? Do we seek some sort of proof from God that Jesus is Savior and Lord? Do we demand a “sign” from heaven to convince us that God’s love is found in Christ? Let us remember that the ultimate proof of God’s love for us consists in Christ’s death for the ungodly (Romans 5:8). And the decisive indication that His death was a sacrifice accepted by God lies in His resurrection. No matter what our circumstances, trials, troubles, and suffering, to look any further is to join the Pharisees, and to miss God’s blessing.

Weighty Words

If “idle” words will be found empty and worthless on the Last Day, what sort of words will receive approval? - “Let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes’, and your ‘No,’ ‘No’” (Matthew 5:37). Honest words of conviction and commitment, followed by consistent behavior, will be accepted by the one who Himself was the “Amen,” the true and faithful Word of God. - “In this manner, therefore, pray: Our Father in heaven…” (6:9). “Vain repetitions” carry no weight in prayer. “Many words” uttered without true faith and heartfelt confidence will not be heard by God (6:7). But prayers based upon the teaching of Christ and His apostles will certainly have effect. - “Not every one who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father in heaven” (7:21). Only those professions of allegiance to Jesus that are backed up by performing the will of God, as revealed by the words of Jesus (7:24), will bring entrance into the eternal kingdom. - “Whoever confesses Me before men , him I will also confess before My Father who is in heaven. (10:32). A simple, sincere expression of faith in Jesus Christ will be met with Christ’s corresponding affirmation of the speaker to God the Father and Judge. - “Go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the Name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you” (28:19-20). Words that proclaim the Gospel of salvation by faith in Jesus Christ, and that instruct believers to keep all of the commands of Christ, will also find favor on the day of judgment. May our words be “weighty” and “worthy”!

Only Two Options II

Notice the stark contrasts which Jesus places before us: Good man/good heart/good words vs. Evil man/evil heart/ evil words. The Greek word for “good” used here refers to that which is good in itself and helpful to others. The word for “evil” denotes an active, malevolent meanness, and refers often to Satan himself, “the evil one.” This type of “evil” is intrinsically bad and also brings harm to others. There are only two kinds of people, each with a characteristic set of motives and mental habits. Jesus certainly does not mean that a “good” person is without sin, for He has already told us to pray daily, “Forgive us our debts” (Matthew 6:12). A “good man” is one who has received a new heart from God through the work of the Holy Spirit; he has been born again from above (John 3:3, 5). Though still capable of sin, he is, nevertheless on the right path, seeking God, and trusting in Jesus Christ. The “evil man” does not know God and walks on a road that leads to destruction. Likewise, there are only two types of words: All that we say or hear is either helpful or harmful. Words either build, or destroy; feed, or poison; heal, or wound; enlighten, or mislead; encourage, or discourage. “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me” (Psalm 51:10). “Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in Your sight, O LORD, my strength and my Redeemer” (Psalm 19:14)

Greater than Solomon

Jesus resembles Solomon in several ways: - They are both “sons” of King David (Matthew 1:1, 6). - They amazed people with their wisdom and answers to “insoluble” problems (1 Kings 3:1-28; Matthew 13:54; 22:15-46). - They spoke parables about nature and life in general (1 Kings 4:32-33; Proverbs, Song of Solomon, Ecclesiastes; Matthew13:1-52) - They attracted seekers of wisdom from foreign lands (1 Kings 10:1-13; Matthew 15:30-32). But Jesus is incomparably greater than Solomon. Consider: - Solomon’s many wives turned his heart away from God, but Jesus remained both sexually pure and totally devoted to His Father in heaven and to His bride – the church (1 Kings11:1-4; Ephesians 5:25-30; Hebrews 2:18; 4:15). - Solomon died, was buried, and remained in his tomb; Jesus rose victoriously from the dead and left His tomb as an empty witness to his triumph (Matthew 28:1-8) - Solomon’s vast wisdom came as a result of his prayer to God (1 Kings 3:6-12); Jesus Himself the Word of God made flesh, in whom all the treasures of divine wisdom and knowledge reside eternally (John 1:1-3; Colossians 2:3). Indeed, He is the very Wisdom of whom Solomon spoke (Matthew 13:19; Luke 7:35; 1 Corinthians 1:24, 30; Revelation 7:12). Shall we turn our backs on Him, as His own people did, or shall we build our lives upon the rock of His teaching by listening to His words, believing His promises, and obeying his commands (Matthew 7:24-29; 28:18-20)?

Healing Broken Hearts

Everywhere we look, we see broken hearts. The little boy is told his father has just died suddenly, and finds out later it was suicide. The young girl never sees her daddy, who is too busy playing with his mistress. A widow waits daily to hear from her son, whose work and home responsibilities “prevent” him from visiting her. Having married with high hopes for love and affection, a young wife finds that her husband has moved on to another challenge, and then to another woman. Longing for legitimate sex within marriage, a young man is crushed when his cold and critical bride rebuffs his advances. Grown children still limp through life, decades after their parents’ divorce. To such people the Good News is, “He heals the brokenhearted, and binds up their wounds [sorrows].” He delivers us from resentment against those who have abandoned, neglected, or betrayed us. As we have been forgiven, so we forgive (Ephesians 4:32). He hears our cries of grief, anger, fear, and loneliness, and rescues us from despair: “He is near to those who have a broken heart” (Psalm 34:18). He assures us that He knows how we feel, for our Lord Jesus was “a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief” (Isaiah 53:3). As the “Captain of our salvation,” He “was made perfect through suffering” (Hebrews 2:10). This knowledge saves us from self-pity. He intercedes for us as our Great High Priest, and He does so with feeling for us: “For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin” (Hebrews 4:15). He knows how we are tempted in our times of trial, and asks the Father to give us “mercy and … grace to help in time of need” (Hebrews 4:16). Finally, when this is sad life is over, He delivers us from our most feared enemy, death itself: “I will raise him up at the last day” (John 6:40). Meanwhile, He is already to us our very life (Colossians 3:3). So, my fellow pilgrims, let us take “everything to Him in prayer.”

Weighed Words

What an awful prospect! On the last day, when the books are opened and our actions are weighed in the balance, our words will bring justification [ acquittal] or condemnation. Why is that? Because, as we have seen, we speak from the heart (12:34-35). The Pharisees revealed their inner wickedness when they accused Jesus of casting out demons by the power of the devil (12:24). By contrast, those who confess faith in Christ before men will be commended to the Father by Christ on the Last Day, for their words will have confirmed their commitment to Jesus (10:32). But what are “idle” words? In short, anything that is “corrupt” [rotten, useless], that does not build others up in faith, hope, and love; that does not “impart grace to the hearers” (Ephesians 4:29). That includes, of course, “filthiness, foolish talking, coarse jesting,” as well as bitter, angry, contentious, and blasphemous speech (Ephesians 4:31), as well as “empty words” that deceive people into thinking that our actions will not be punished (Ephesians 5:6). The Israelites died in the wilderness because they spoke words of complaint (1 Corinthians 10:10), and Moses was barred entry to the Promised Land for his angry outburst in response (Numbers 20:12). That is why we should be “swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath” (James 1:19). “Let the words of my mouth, and the meditations of my heart, be acceptable in Your sight, O LORD, my rock and my Redeemer” (Psalm 19:14).

Only Two Options

There is no middle ground; no neutral stance; no third way. We go with the Magi, to worship the Baby Jesus, or with Herod, to kill Him. We stand with John the Baptist, who honored Jesus as the Christ, or with Satan, who tried to deflect Him from the path to Golgotha. We walk with the four fishermen, who followed Jesus as Master, or with the Pharisees, who stalked him as prey. Indeed, Jesus made this solemn pronouncement after the Pharisees had ascribed the expulsion of a demon to the ruler of the demons, Satan himself. (12:24) Throughout Matthew’s Gospel, this theme recurs repeatedly, as we have already seen. There are the hypocrites (Pharisees) who practice their piety before men, in order to be seen by them; and the true disciples, who seek God’s favor alone. (6:1-18) “No one can serve two masters; … You cannot serve God and mammon.” (6:24) “Wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it. How narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it.” (7:13-14) We build our lives upon the rock of Jesus’ teaching, or the sands of folly. (7:24-27) We take up our cross to follow Christ, and find life; or seek the “life” of this world, and endure eternal death. (10:38-39) The good tree bears good fruit; the bad tree bears rotten fruit, or none at all. (12:33) Our words will either build others up in faith, hope, and love, or they will be idle and ultimately corrosive. (12:36; Ephesians 4:29) We either redeem the time, or waste it. (Ephesians 5:16) Which will it be for us today, tomorrow, and always?

Gentle Warrior

Quoting from the prophet Isaiah (42:1-4), Matthew describes the earthly ministry of Jesus:- He was a self-conscious Servant of God. He came not to be served, but to serve (Matthew 21:28); not to do his own will, but that of the Father (26:39, 42). - He was empowered by the Holy Spirit (4:16, 12:28). - He intended to declare the good news of God’s just reign not just to the Jews but to all the nations – the Gentiles (8:5-12; 15:28; 29-39; 24:14; 28:19). - He spoke in the Temple of Jerusalem, in the village synagogues, by the seaside and in deserted places, but He did not “quarrel or cry out,” nor did He stir up trouble as an urban rabble-rouser, raising His voice “in the streets” (12:19). - He acted with consummate gentleness, not breaking a “bruised reed” or extinguishing “a smoking flax” (12:20). - He marched deliberately towards an ultimate victory, one which would vindicate the justice of God by - the self-sacrifice of the only righteous Man for the sins of His people (12:20; 1:21; 21:28). The result of such a peaceable, patient, and persistent campaign: “In His name the Gentiles will trust” (12:21). May we not only rely on this Servant of God for our salvation, but follow in His steps of service and sacrifice for others!

Jesus the Healer

In the synagogue on a Sabbath day, Jesus was confronted by the Pharisees, who were seeking to find a way to accuse Him of breaking the Sabbath. In the previous passage (Matthew 12:1-8), we read of Jesus’ assertion that He – the Son of Man – was “Lord of the Sabbath.” Surely enraged by that claim, His enemies now pointed to a man whose hand fell useless at his side, withered and lifeless.“Is it lawful to heal on the Sabbath?,” they asked Jesus. The room was tense as everyone waited to see how Christ would respond. What follows demonstrated His true majesty. We see: - The perspicacity of Christ: He saw clearly through their inquiry, aware that it was not just an innocent request for information, and parried with two rhetorical questions of his own. (1) Which of them would not, on the Sabbath, rescue a sheep which had fallen into a pit? (2) How much more valuable is a man than a sheep? - The penetrating logic of our Lord, arguing from the lesser to the greater: “Therefore it is lawful to do good on the Sabbath.” - The pity of the Good Shepherd: He cared more for the crippled man before Him than for the niceties of Pharisaic tradition or the danger of the trap which they intended to spring. - The power of the Son of God: With a simple command, “Stretch out your hand,” He made the withered hand become “as whole as the other.” (We might note in the process that He did no real “work” according even to the man-made rules of His enemies.) Surely this Man is worthy of our deepest devotion and total trust!

Twelve Ordinary Men

Whom did Jesus call to be His delegates and messengers to the whole world? To whom did He entrust authority over the church for which He was to die? We would have picked the rich, the powerful, the famous, the highly-educated, the well-connected. But Jesus selected ordinary men: Four, at least, were lowly fishermen. One (Matthew) worked for the hated Roman occupation; the other belonged to a revolutionary party (Simon the Cananite – or Zealot). We know another of the others, except that they were all Galileans, residents of a despised and outlying province, far from the power and prestige of Jerusalem. What, then, did they have?* A call from Jesus: They were summoned by the Lord to follow Him and do His will. Communion with Jesus: They spent three years in His company, watching every move, hearing every word. After the Resurrection, they enjoyed His ongoing presence (Matthew 28:20). Commitment to Jesus: They left all and followed Him, despite the danger and opprobrium. At the end of His life, they did desert Him, but after they had received the Holy Spirit at Pentecost, they re-dedicated their lives to Him and His service. Community with each other: They stuck together as a group, despite occasional squabbles. After the Resurrection, they lived and worked together in Jerusalem until they were sent out to spread the Good News to all the world. Courage: At least after Pentecost, and often before, these simple men braved danger and difficulty to follow the commands and the example of their Master. A commission from the Risen Christ to make disciples of all nations (Matthew 28:18-20) As believers in Christ, we all now enjoy the same blessings they did; may we also have their commitment and courage! * For much of the following I am indebted to Malcolm Webber, Ph.D. For the best on Christian leadership development, go to www.leadershipletters.com

Our Call?

Jesus called the disciples to Himself. That is implied in the Greek verb “called,” and made explicit in Mark’s account: Then he appointed twelve, that they might be with Him and that He might send them out to preach, and to have power to heal sickness and to cast out demons. (Mark 3:14-15) Though we discussed the commission which Christ gave His apostles first, in reality His calling preceded the commission. First and foremost, He wanted them to come to Himself, to be with Him. That’s our call, too. “Abide in Me, and I in you… He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing.” (John 15:4,5) Fellowship with Christ comes before fruit-bearing. Prayer precedes preaching. Works must flow from worship. Before we can heal in His name, we must hear His words. Unless we imitate Christ, how can we lead others to Him? And how can we imitate Him if we do not have an intimate relationship with Him? So, for the next three years, the Twelve followed Jesus wherever He went. They listened to His teaching, witnessed His mighty works, saw His matchless manner of life, and (at least some of them) stood – though at a distance – silently as grieving onlookers at His terrible agony on the Cross. Then they waited until the promised Holy Spirit came upon them to thrust them out in the world with a power even greater than that given to them during their apprenticeship. May we follow their example, as they followed His.

Should You Get A Divorce? (2)

When we are tempted to consider divorce, we need to reflect anew on what the Bible teaches. In particular, we must understand God's plan for marriage, so that we can understand His opposition to divorce. From the beginning, he made man as male and female, and caused them to join together as one flesh. When asked about divorce Jesus quoted the words of Genesis 1:24, "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother, and be joined [cling, cleave] to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." Marriage creates a one-flesh union between a man and a woman. Although they may separate, this union cannot really be broken. Psychological studies have shown that any separation of husband and wife - through divorce or death - generates profound confusion, grief, and sadness. This union occurs when a man and a woman publicly commit themselves to each other, live together, engage in sexual intercourse, and work together. The bond thus forged lasts for a lifetime. Thus, changing marriage partners is not like changing clothes, as some erroneously believe. Because man and wife are one, they can bring each other either great joy or bitter sorrow. We are hurt most by those closest to us. No one is closer than our mate; that is why marital conflict produces such pain. Marriage, even when there is conflict, bestows many benefits: Companionship, help, security, an extended family, new friends, division of labor at home, to name only a few. Sexual pleasure adds to the delight of living with someone. For men, sexual intercourse fulfills a powerful drive, one which tends to dominate a man's life. For women, it can bring pleasure, release from tension, and a sense of being loved and desired. Sexual frustration, on the other hand, causes profound tension, especially in the man. God intended marriage to result in children. To carry on the human race, He ordained that new life should begin in a home with a father and a mother. He further planned that children should grow up in a stable home with two parents, as recent studies have proven. But what about the pain of marriage, to which we referred above? The benefits we can easily understand; they drove us to marriage to begin with. But the awful feelings accompanying conflict or even just lack of intimacy - what are we to do with these? Do they not prove that we made a mistake and married the wrong person, or that the union should be terminated? Here many people go wrong. They do not comprehend the role of pain in life, including married life. In a perfect world, pain would not exist. But in this fallen world, populated by sinners, pain plays a vital role. Walter Trobisch, the famed marriage counselor of a previous generation, used to say that "Growth is connected mostly with pain." God intends for His people to grow up into maturity, into the "measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ" (Ephesians 4:13 ). That is, Our Father wants us to become like His Son Jesus. That means that we must learn how to love as Christ loved, laying down His life for His friends, giving Himself, sacrificing Himself. We come into this world infected with sin, a chief trait of which is profound selfishness. When we love, we deny ourselves for the good of another. We are also naturally filled with unbelief in God's goodness and power. When we trust Him, we receive both His love and His power to love others through us. As Martin Luther said, marriage is a "school for character." By living closely with someone whose personality, background, interests, desires, fears, and hopes differ so radically from ours, we must learn to love. But that means sacrificing ourselves. And that means pain. If we run from the pain, we shall never learn to love and we shall never grow up. We shall remain infants, pre-occupied with ourselves, demanding instant gratification of our own wants, regardless of the cost to others. Have you ever noticed how her baby's cry immediately captures a mother's full attention? God meant it that way. In the same fashion, the pain of conflict with our marriage partner engages us. We can't ignore it. If we run towards pain, seeking the cause and, relying on God's help, dealing with the problem, we shall grow through pain to maturity. If we run away, we shall lose the opportunity to experience God's power and love. But we shall never love perfectly, nor shall we ever be fully loved by another. Marriage confronts us with that sobering fact within a short time after the wedding. God knew that, too. He uses marriage (and other close relationships) to remind us that only He can fulfill our longing for unconditional love. When we feel the limited acceptance, or even rejection, of those close to us, God invites us into His own gracious presence, where we shall receive His boundless affection. Likewise, when we confront the reality of our own pride, laziness, fear, selfishness, and even malice, we can turn to God for forgiveness. Jesus has died for sinners, so that we can be reconciled to God. Failure to love others can drive us to the cross, where God's love meets our hardness of heart and melts us, again and again. Paradoxically, by confessing our faults and receiving God's mercy, we find new energy to extend mercy to others. In other words, our own failure - if turned over to God for His transforming work - can equip us to grant pardon and compassion to our spouse. All these blessings we lose if we give up and march into the divorce court.

The Biblical Teaching on Divorce and Remarriage

Here are the main passages explicitly dealing with divorce and remarriage after divorce.

For the LORD God of Israel says that He hates divorce... Therefore take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously. Malachi 2:16

The words of Jesus:

Whoever divorces his wife for any reason except fornication causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery. Matthew 5:32 Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate... Whoever divorces his wife, except for fornication, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery. Matthew 19:4-6, 9 Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, he commits adultery. Mark 10:11-12 Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced from her husband commits adultery. Luke 16:18

The words of the Apostle Paul:

The woman who has a husband is bound by the law to her husband as long as he lives. But if the husband dies, she is released from the law of her husband. So then, if, while her husband lives, she marries another man, she will be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from that law, so that she is no adulteress, though she has married another man. Romans 7:2-3 Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife. But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. And if a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her let her not divorce him... But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace. 1 Corinthians 7:10-13, 15 A wife is bound by law as long as her husband lives; but if her husband dies, she is at liberty to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. 1 Corinthians 7:39

It would seem that these passages are plain enough, but several different interpretations have arisen among Christians:

1. There are no grounds for divorce. Remarriage after divorce amounts to adultery.
2. There is one legitimate cause for divorce: Fornication, which is defined either as pre-marital sexual relations or marriage to a close relative; if either of these is discovered after marriage, divorce is lawful. Remarriage after such a divorce is not lawful in God's eyes.
3. There are two grounds for divorce: Marital unfaithfulness (adultery) and desertion of a believer by a non-believer because of the faith of the Christian. Remarriage by the innocent partner after divorce on either of these grounds is lawful in God's eyes.
4. There is more to adultery than a physical relationship with someone other than your spouse, and more to separation than actually leaving. Thus, anything which shows a profound lack of commitment to the marriage constitutes either adultery or separation, and offers suitable grounds for a Biblical divorce.
5. Athough Christians may not divorce (or remarry after divorce), Christians who were divorced before they believed in Christ are fully forgiven and free to re-marry.

As we consider this vital subject, we need to remember several facts:

1. When Matthew and the other Gospel writers use the word "fornication" [sometimes translated as "sexual immorality"] he does so differently from Paul. He carefully distinguishes adultery (unfaithfulness of someone who is married) from fornication (sexual sin before marriage). Thus, any interpretation which fails to take note of this distinction will miss the point of Jesus' teaching.
2. Jesus, while allowing divorce for "fornication," explicitly forbids remarriage after divorce, and He does so in the clearest possible language.
3. Paul states clearly that married people are bound to each other until death.
4. Paul, while allowing the believer not to contest the departure of an unbelieving mate, does not grant the right to re-marry, but at the end of the chapter explicitly says that married people are bound to each other until death.
5. Contemporary Jews allowed divorce and remarriage for all sorts of reasons. Jesus obviously meant to distinguish His teaching from theirs. His words could not have been much more clear.
6. Adultery, while devastating to a relationship, does not break the bond or kill the marriage. If that were the case, Israel's constant unfaithfulness to her God, often termed adultery, would have severed the covenant with God, which it did not. The entire book of Hosea makes this one point: God remained faithful to His people even when they were not faithful to Him. How could He allow Christians to do otherwise?
7. There is a difference between forgiveness of sins and responsibility for the consequences of our actions. We live in a moral universe; God does not repeal His moral laws for His children. Therefore, when we sin - and we all do - and confess our sins with faith in the death of Christ for our forgiveness, God full pardons us. But we shall have to live with the consequences of our sins, as David did after he committed adultery with Bathsheba. One of the consequences of divorce for a believer is loss of freedom to marry again.
8. Jesus and Paul make no distinction at this point between believers and non-believers. In fact, Jesus makes it clear that God's order for marriage began at creation, and thus applies to all men. We cannot apply one principle to people before, and another after, they believe. What we do as non-believers has consequences for our life as believers. People who crippled their bodies by reckless driving before coming to faith in Christ will have to live with their disability, just as those who divorced as unbelievers will have to remain single. In each case, God will provide sufficient grace to serve Him with joy (2 Corinthians 12:9).
9. Moses in Deuteronomy 24 (a passage often cited in defense of the right to marry after divorce) says that a divorced woman who marries another has been "defiled." The most natural interpretation of this is that she has done what she should not have done.
10. When Jesus says that not all can receive His teaching, He referred not to the binding nature of His laws about divorce and remarriage, but to His saying that some people deliberately forego marriage so "for the kingdom of heaven's sake," as the punctuation in the New King James Version indicates (Matthew 19:11-12).

Thus, I accept the second position named above, although I respect the first one; all the others I consider to be improper interpretations of the Biblical passages. If divorce (and thus remarriage) is not an option for God's people, that leads to the obvious question: What, then, should we do with a difficult marriage? First of all, we need to understand that ALL marriages are difficult! People think that only they are having marital problems when, in fact, all married couples do. We are selfish sinners, and will inevitably encounter conflict with each other. Then, we need to ask, What is God trying to teach me? How does he want me to grow in faith, hope, and love? How does my spouse's sin show me my own sin? How does his criticism point up my fault? How would Jesus love this person? As we seek God's wisdom, we shall find that we need His help. We shall see our sin more clearly, and our need for His forgiveness and His power to love the unlovely. That will drive us to prayer and to the Bible. In prayer, we should confess our own sins, asking God's forgiveness and His love for our mate. Then we should pray for our partner, asking God to forgive him and change him. We should find some other person of the same sex with whom we can pray. But be careful! Don't spend time complaining about your mate. Instead, confess your own faults and ask for prayer. You will find that mutual prayer will give you strength to go on. Of course, we need to go to church regularly. By worshiping God with others, we shall forget our own troubles for a while and concentrate upon the greatness and the goodness of God. In church, we remember why God made us - to know and glorify Him, not to have a happy life on this earth. Find some Bible passages that speak to your difficulty. If your wife is contentious - and most wives ARE contentious - then meditate upon those Bible passages which speak of returning evil with good, being patient, gentle and kind, and the duty of the husband to love his wife as Jesus loved the church (like Ephesians 5:22 -33) If your husband is unloving - and most husbands ARE unloving - then focus upon those passages of the Bible which remind us that Jesus is the only source of unconditional love, and those which require wives to submit to their husbands, even non-Christian ones (like 1 Peter 3:1-6). It is good for us to submit to God's discipline. Through marriage, he disciplines us, to cause us to grow more loving and to trust Him more. Remember, too, that marriage lasts only for a few years. When we die, we shall no longer be married, except for our union with Christ. We can stand a few more years of difficulty, knowing that we have ahead of us an eternity of delight. At the same time, we should try to be thankful. No one is totally evil all the time. Think of your spouse's good points, and meditate upon those, with thanksgiving to God. Speak words of encouragement and gratitude to your partner; this will encourage him to keep doing what you like. Nagging and criticism do no good, nor do they change the other person. After you have expressed your preferences once, take them to God in prayer and as Him to change your spouse. Your words of disapproval will only make the situation worse. Believe me - I speak from experience! Rather than concentrating upon the faults and failings of your spouse, ask God for strength to do your duty as a married person. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her; men must sacrifice for their wives. Wives, submit to your husbands as the church submits to Christ. Show him respect and serve him, and our life with him will be happier. We could go on and on, but these few suggestions are enough to show how we should begin to deal with a difficult marriage - which is a normal one! Finally, we need to address the very real situation of those who have already been divorced. They know pain that the rest of us do not, and need special comfort from God. Here are a few brief guidelines:

1. All who repent of their past sins and believe in Christ receive full forgiveness. Divorce and remarriage - and all the sins which cause these actions - can be forgiven by God.
2. Those who harbor resentment do not enjoy God's favor. Divorced people need to forgive their former spouses. If they have not remarried, they need to seek reconciliation.
3. Although they can be admitted to communion, men who are divorced (or remarried after divorce) can not serve as elders or deacons in the church (1 Timothy 3:2, 12; Titus 1:6).
4. We should all deal gently with people who have gone through divorce or remarriage. They are our fellow sinners; we are no better than they are; if we are self-righteous, we are even worse than they are! We should look to ourselves, asking God to keep us from all sorts of sins, including sins against marriage, for this is an institution much beloved by God.

Our Commission?

Jesus was moved with compassion when He saw the multitudes, “for they were weary and scatter, like sheep having no shepherd” (9:36). Observing such needs, He commanded His disciples to “pray the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into His harvest” (9:38). But that was not all. He immediately began to answer His own prayer, by calling and commissioning twelve of His followers to expand His own ministry. Let’s look first at what He commissioned them to do: Cast out evil spirits and heal all sorts of illness and disease, just as Jesus Himself had been doing from the beginning of His ministry (4:23-24; 8:1-17; 9:1-8, 18-35). Why was deliverance from demons and disease so important to our Lord? Because in this way He demonstrated the truth of His primary message, which was the same message He commanded His disciples to convey: “The kingdom of heaven is at hand!” (4:17; 10:7). Long held in bondage to sin and Satan, this tired earth was now being liberated by the true King, Jesus. By the power of the Holy Spirit, He and his disciples expelled demons from anguished souls and cured the sick of all sorts of ailments. Exorcism and healing demonstrate both the pity and the power of our God. He does care, and He can deliver! Some Christians today doubt whether we are to ask God to work such miracles of spiritual and physical deliverance and healing. They say that these things were only for the first century, to authenticate the message of Christ and the Apostles. But has God’s pity or His power changed? And do not millions still languish in bondage to evil spirits and illness? Most doubters live in the secularized West. In Africa, Asia, and Latin America, God continues to reveal His wonder-working power and His compassionate pity when His people call upon Him in faith.

Should You Get A Divorce?

More and more marriages are terminating in divorce. In every case, one or both parties believes that divorce is preferable to staying together in an unhappy marriage. The pain of living together is so great that permanent separation seems to be the only choice. With the support of family, friends, the media, even church leaders, couples decide that it would be better to sever the marriage bond. No one – and certainly not those who are married! – disagrees that marriage is difficult, and that building a relatively happy marriage takes years of hard work. Nor does anyone deny that marital pain cuts to the heart and leaves painful inner wounds. What most people don’t know, however, is that a strong case can be made against divorce. I am not talking only about the teaching of the Bible. That is clear enough, despite the confusion reigning in the church on this issue nowadays. God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16). Jesus commanded, “What God has joined together, let not man separate (Matthew 19:6). When the Pharisees said that Moses had allowed divorce, Jesus reminded them that God joins man and woman together as one flesh. Moses gave a commandment about divorce and remarriage (Deuteronomy 24) in order to limit the sin that formerly married people could commit against each, but Jesus clearly attributed this to man’s hardness of heart. “Hardness of heart” in the Bible almost always describes a condition of those who do not believe in God, do not obey God, and are destined for eternal wrath. Christians differ over whether divorced persons may remarry. That is another subject. What we must see now is that God never divorced Israel, though she was frequently unfaithful to Him and never loved Him as He loved her. He remained faithful to a wicked wife. Likewise, Jesus has bound Himself forever to a church that constantly wanders away into sin. But that is the Bible, and most people don’t accept the Bible as their authority for making decisions. Are there any other reasons why divorce is not wise or beneficial, why it is actually harmful for those who choose that way? Yes. Diane Medved, a psychologist, once set out to write a book defending divorce as the lesser of two evils for many married people. When she had completed her research, however, she published an entirely different work, The Case Against Divorce (New York: Donald I. Fine, Inc, 1989). I briefly summarize some of her points below. Numbers in parentheses refer to pages in her book. As she did her research, she discovered that “divorce was catastrophic – but not in the commonly accepted terms of a simple year or two thrown away… The physical act of packing a bad and moving out is traumatic. And from there on the trauma escalates.” “People could be spared enormous suffering if they scotched their permissive acceptance of divorce and viewed marriage as a serious, lifelong commitment” (4) She learned about “the permanent distrust, anguish, and bitterness divorce brings” (4) and discovered the “lingering emotional and psychological effects.” “Women’s standard of living declines by… 73 percent in the first year after divorce.” Most women who get divorces are still clinically depressed ten years after the divorce, and all “were moderately or severely lonely.” The chances of divorced women finding another husband are less than those of “being struck by a terrorist!” (6). “The effects of divorce last a lifetime. And they are in actuality far worse than we care to confront” (7). She herself is divorced and, though happily remarried, writes poignantly of the “enormous loss” of her divorce. Her second marriage is an exception, for only one half of those she interviewed who remarried stayed with the second spouse or found themselves happy in their new marriage (actually, the percentage nationwide is much lower). “No one ever emerges from a divorce unscathed – he or she is inevitably permanently harmed” (10). She reviews the usual reasons for divorce and agrees that “after divorce women especially, and men to some extent, report emotional growth. But won’t admit that they might have blossomed even more had they gathered the gumption to stick with and heal the marriage” (12). In brief, her “case against divorce” includes four elements, which I quote in full:

1. Divorce hurts you. Divorce brings out selfishness, hostility, and vindictiveness. It ruins your idealism about marriage. It leaves emotional scars from which you can never be free. It costs a bunch of money – and significantly reduces your standard of living.
2. Divorce hurts those around you. It devastates your children for at least two years and probably for life. It hurts your family by splitting it in two; both family and friends are compelled to take sides. It forces you to be hardened against people you once loved. It rips the fabric of our society, each divorce providing another example of marriage devalued.
3. The single life isn’t what it’s cracked up to be. Ask anyone – the “swinging singles” life is full of frustration, rejection, and disappointment. The Mr. or Ms. Right you assume waits for you may be only a futile fantasy. Even a successful affair that bridges you from one marriage to another often becomes merely a second failure.
4. Staying married is better for you. You don’t have to disrupt your life for two to seven years; instead, solving marital problems provides a sense of teamwork and stands as a concrete accomplishment that enhances problem-solving skills in the larger world. Marriage is statistically proven to be the best status for your health, divorce the worst. Marriage gives you something to show for your time on earth – children (usually) and a bond built on continuity and history (13).

Dr. Medved spends the rest of her book substantiating and illustrating her thesis with countless statistics and personal stories. She surveys the usual reasons for seeking divorce and finds them insufficient grounds for inflicting such permanent damage on yourself and your family. She then gives seven reasons for staying together, including

• The welfare of the children (recent studies have added more weight to her argument that divorce devastates children).
• The power of perseverance.
• The value of keeping a long-term relationship together.
• The damage done to family and friends by divorce.
• The consequences of divorce are too awful.
• The desire not to hurt one’s spouse.
• The fear of being alone.

Then she mentions the “costs of divorce.” Here are some of the section headings:

• “The emotional impact of divorce : Much Pain, No Gain
• “A very Special Private Hell
• “Hurting the One you Love
• “Becoming a lesser Person
• Being “Crazy in Our Midst
• “The Alluring Vitality of Anger
• “Divorce Won’t Solve Your Problems
• “Doomed to Repeat the Past
• “A Blow to Self-Esteem”

In her last section, Medved surveys a few of “The Benefits of Staying Married:

• “Only Marriage Brings True Romance
• “Marriage Is Good for Your Character
• “Marriage Meets Our Need for Attachment
• “Marriage is a Safe Haven
• “Strength Comes Through Crisis”
• Marriage is “The Only True Commitment”
• Marriage is “The Ultimate Setting for Fulfilling Life’s Purpose” (The above are all from the Table of Contents”)

Medved is not a professing Christian so she writes from a secular standpoint. As a Christian, I would add that we can find the power to stay married and to overcome marital difficulties through faith in God. He gives us grace to forgive each other, accept each other, and to be changed ourselves.

So, What Should We Do?

If you or your friends are contemplating divorce, I urge you to reconsider. Ask yourself, “What is God trying to teach me through my conflicts with my spouse?” Almost surely, He is giving you an opportunity to grow - in faith, hope, and love. Ask friends to pray for you – but don’t criticize your spouse in the process! I said, “Ask them to pray for YOU.” Admit that your love and patience are running out, and beg them to call upon God to give you His strength. Confess your own faults and ask His forgiveness. Plead with Him to change you (and your spouse). Go to church. Get into a small group Bible study. Seek out a marriage counselor and keep going until you can communicate with each other without fighting. Read, ponder, memorize, believe, and obey the Bible. And keep your marriage vows! As we turn to Him, God will grant us all the grace we need to do His will, which is to stay together.

Brief Replies To Some Common Reasons For Wanting A Divorce

At the risk of seeming cold and hard-hearted, I would like to give very brief responses to some of the reasons for initiating divorce that people have expressed to me. I do this as a sort of reality check, to challenge some assumptions and hopefully to encourage people to re-think their views of marriage. - “My marriage is dead. My spouse’s behavior killed it.” You often hear this statement in Evangelical circles, where it is usually combined with the idea that “ the marriage bond has been broken” by adultery or desertion or some chronic behavior indicating low commitment to the marriage. The major problem with this concept is that you can’t find it in the Bible. The relationship surely suffers terrible damage by adultery, drug abuse, addiction to pornography, hateful words, and other signs of lack of love, but does it “die”? In the Bible, this metaphor is not used. God, as we have seen, remained faithful to His spouse, Israel, even when she had “broken” the “covenant.” He would not give up until, like Hosea, He had won her back. The relationship may be damaged and filled with excruciating pain, but it is not “dead.” - “There is no hope of reconciliation.” How do you know? As long as you persist in seeking God’s grace in your life, there is hope that He will change you enough to forgive your spouse, ask forgiveness from your spouse, and even for both of you to come to a new place of mutual respect and acceptance. Even if your spouse has remarried, you don’t have to; your faithfulness to your original marriage vow can stand as a sign of God’s faithfulness to us, His erring children. - “My spouse has no intention of preserving this marriage.” That may be the case, but do you then have to make sure that it ends in divorce? Perhaps if you showed more humility and patience, your spouse would come around. Perhaps not; maybe your spouse is so hard-hearted that reconciliation will never take place. But you don’t have to be the one who shuts the door. - “My marriage is a sham.” What do you mean? That your marriage appears better than it is? Most marriages do. We don’t – and shouldn’t – share all our secrets with others. On the other hand, perhaps someone needs to know about your troubles in order to help you. Find a marriage counselor; get into a couples group where you can express some of your difficulties; find one person of the same sex with whom you can admit your lack of love for your spouse and pray about it. - “God does not want me to live forever in an unhappy marriage.” There are several possible responses to this assertion: God DOES promise that certain people will be “happy” (usually translated as “blessed”) in this life. Notice to whom those promises are given: Those who turn away from sin, follow God’s law, and live out the Beatitudes (re-read Matthew 5:3-12 to refresh your memory if necessary). To the degree that we violate God’s will, to that degree this “happiness” will not be ours. Divorce violates His will. Jesus promised, “In this world you will have trouble” (John 16:33). Paul tells us in Romans 8 that this whole universe groans in pain, awaiting the return of Christ and the redemption of our bodies form sin. Until then, there is no undiluted “happiness” for anyone on this earth. Those who set their hopes on earthly happiness will suffer sharp disappointment. True happiness comes from holiness. God wants us to be holy. He often uses “unhappiness” – illness, poverty, rejection, sorrow – to refine us and make us more like His Son Jesus. Our marital struggles – and all married people have them - are a part of His gracious work to reveal your sin and His forgiveness and demonstrate His transforming power. That will produce Christian joy, which much deeper and more lasting than worldly “happiness.” - “I can’t stand the pain any more.” The agony of marital strife is truly awful, but how do you know you have reached your limit? People can take far more than they realize. Perhaps God can use your pain to drive you closer to Himself, so that you see your sin and His grace, and begin to experience His transforming power. Remember the words of Paul, “I can do all things in Him who strengthens me” (spoken to a different situation, but applicable to all believers). - “I can’t take the uncertainty of not knowing whether we’ll ever be reconciled; I would prefer the certainty of divorce.” That is understandable, but remember that uncertainty is a sign of life. The certitude of divorce is the certitude of death. It is final, irreversible, and far worse than you imagine. - “I made a mistake when I married this person. Now I want to correct that error and get on with life.” You may have made an unwise, immature, uninformed, even foolish decision, but God makes no mistakes. Your decision was part of His plan for your life. He works “all things” together for your good, if you love Him. Your past folly does not frustrate His design to conform you to Christ, mostly through suffering. - “Why should I have to live forever with the consequences of a poor choice?” Because that is the way God has constituted this moral universe: Actions have consequences. On the other hand, if we will repent of our sins, including the sin of a hasty marriage choice, then we can experience God’s renewing, redeeming, abundant mercy and power in our lives. He brings good out of evil – witness the Cross, for example. If we turn to Him in constant faith, He will grant us such a relationship with himself that we shall know His love and power more and more each day. Who knows? Perhaps your spouse will see a change in you and want to have what you have. - “I’ve learned from my mistake. When I marry the next time, I’ll do things better.” You should rather say, “IF” I marry again – the odds are not as great as you imagine. Then, you should say, “I HOPE I’ll do better,” for if you failed one time, you will most likely fail again. Further: Have you really learned from your mistake? What have you learned? To persevere under trials, confessing your sin and asking God’s love to fill your heart and overflow to those around you, or to cut and run when the going gets too tough? The bottom line is that God seeks our holiness. Given our fallen nature, He usually employs pain as His primary means of changing us. We can either cooperate with His chastening of us and learn what He seeks to teach us, or turn from His loving discipline and seek to go our own, pain-free, way. If we do refuse His chastening in our lives, we shall merely meet His loving resistance again and again, until we finally bow before Him in humble faith and submission to His will. God sends difficult people into our lives to uncover our hidden idols and then to deliver us from them through reliance on His grace in Christ. If we work with Him, we shall find increasing liberation from sin and freedom in His love. If we turn from Him, we shall continue in bondage to gods that are not gods, especially the elusive idol of “happiness.”