Chinese parents sacrifice a lot for their children’s education. It is not uncommon for fathers and mothers of Chinese students to spend thousands of dollars on their children’s education through high school. Some of them will also save, collect from relatives, borrow from banks, etc. to accumulate the tens of thousands of dollars it takes to send their kids to the US for a world-class graduate education or, increasingly, even an undergraduate degree.
For their part, Chinese students in the US are well-aware of what it takes to get them here and to keep them here. Therefore, they are conscious of the responsibility that they have to take advantage of the opportunities that their parents have given them to learn, earn and perform in America. As a result, they have a well-known and well-earned reputation for working hard and responsibly, often foregoing campus amenities and social activities that perhaps too often divert US students from doing their best.
Sometimes, however, the presumed goal of academic excellence is misinterpreted.
For example, take the case that we heard about at a recent dinner for 60 Chinese students in the US, a dinner that is sponsored by a local mission-minded church. A young Chinese master’s degree student told our small group about a telephone conversation that he had had with his mother recently. He had called to share some good news about some of his recent academic successes, thereby (he thought) fulfilling his mother’s expectations.
The conversation must have gone something like this:
Student (S) -- “Mom, how are you?’
Mother (M) --“Fine. Is something wrong?”
S -- “Oh, no. In fact, something good has happened; that’s why I am calling to share it with you.”
M -- “Wonderful! What is the good news?”
S (excitedly) -- “I learned today that I have been selected as a teaching assistant (TA) for my major professor!”
M (somewhat quietly and questioningly) -- “Oh, OK. I guess that’s good, isn’t it?”
S (still excited) -- “Good? It’s great! It means that my major professor likes what I am doing and thinks that I have a bright future!”
M (still holding any evidence of excitement in check) -- “Oh, OK.”
S (intent in helping his mother understand the importance of this news) -- “You know, Mom, my professor is quite famous. He earned his undergraduate degree at Stanford and his PhD at Harvard.”
M (seemingly unimpressed) -- “Oh, OK.”
S (conveying the best news) -- “Don’t you see? This means that he may help me get into Harvard or Stanford for a PhD!”
M (seemingly unimpressed) -- “Oh, OK. By the way, remind me again: what is your major?”
S (somewhat flatly) -- “Accounting.”
M (now ignited with excitement) -- “Well, then, there must be plenty of nice young women in your classes. Right?”
S (beginning to see where this conversation is headed) -- “Yes, Mom.”
M (hopefully) -- “Are any of them Chinese?”
D (flatly) -- “Some.”
M (now thoroughly enthused) -- “Then, you must make some really good new friends, soon.”
S (now totally deflated) -- “Oh, OK.”
Who moved the cheese? ;)
Note:
The title comes from the title of a book that was a major hit in the management insights sector. It was on the New York Times best seller list for more than 4 years.
Basically, it preaches that we need to realize that things change in life that that we need to be able to adjust (and not be surprised and immobilized by) those changes. So, sometimes the goal (the cheese in one location) changes in life, and we have to be ready to make changes to go after the new goal (the cheese in a new location).
-Donald and Karen Barnes